I watched her from across the grass today
she was as normal as Tuesdays
unaffected and free
there was none of the nervous tension of our inconsistent encounters
small words and tight lips
nothing hiding behind her eyes
nothing binding her hands to her sides
she was happy

I sat back and watched her
she played like a child among sisters
safe and smiling
thin bones under pale skin
and hair that got lost in the shadows

I could not stop watching
thought it burned my eyes
and bruised my soul
I said 'she is beautiful'
Paul laughed nervously beside me
played with grass, and then went quiet
I never looked up.

In the end I ran away
and hoped that no one noticed
as I gave hasty kisses and quiet goodbyes
and made a sad retreat from the growing cold
and the girl with the impossible smile

AcB 05.01.01