I am nothing
I am clear
and empty
as the wind

I can never be what I want to anyone
but myself
you will always misunderstand
because my mouth can never tell it clearly
and your ears will hear what they want anyway
because my hands can never shape it straight
and your eyes will see what they want anyway
because my voice catches and reflects before it finds your ears
and you will only hear your words anyway
because my fingers can never touch your heart
and it would feel what it wanted anyway

and because my body is built
from pieces of you
(because I can never see myself
only the backward version
laughing
laughing
laughing)
I can only ever be what you see
or worse
what I think you've seen

my double reflection
has warped
and I realize
that I am tired of living in this body
I've built
from pieces
that other people have given me

If
no matter how hard I try
I can never tell you how I feel
if you will never know the intimate curve of my love
completely
then it is time for me to stop trying

love has become
a sinful symbiosis of self satisfaction
flowering
in the birth
of our child

AcB 12.05.01